A very private pain - from Adrian

Dear Chris and Lindy,
I wonder if you'd send me a picture
of Ben
when things settle down -
not on his own -
I never think of him on his own
but always with Tim
or with his brothers
or with you all
He was always with people.
I can't imagine the pain of losing
your baby, your little boy
your clunky teenager
your strong son
but with four brothers
my heart hurts
a very private pain
hard to know with whom to share
I dare not burden you, or ask your care
wrung out in the giving
Oh wretched pain!
Do you get on with life and somehow dishonour him?
Or always weep?
He, lover of life, would never have you so constrained
maturely sad he knows
it can never be the same
always amputated
sending messages
intending deciding feeling
knowing
but never whole
until we join him
on the other side.

Adrian Lane
Carlton,Victoria
December 2008