On this day

On this day twenty-five years ago Lindy and I were married.

On this day one year ago Ben was in a coma and his LD levels were rising. I wrote on the blog:

Ben has a temperature returning and his LD (Lactose
Dehydrogenase) levels are rising. This is not good news as it may well
indicate the cancer is at work. If it is, it means the chemotherapy
has not done the job. If this is the case then the outlook is very
grim as there are few medical options left.

For me, that was the day I 'knew' we were going to lose our boy.

Last night as we reflected on the last year and twenty-five years, we talked about time and metaphors for grief. I wrote to a friend this morning:

Yes we're doing ok I guess... it's a long road. We were talking about 'the new normal' last night as we celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. We decided that wounds heal but leave scars  forever, but that so far our wound has not healed yet: it still feels pretty much like a gaping wound.

And we thought that as time goes by we would miss Ben less but we would not care any less. But so far we still miss him all the time.