You turn this thing over in your mind. This happening. You look at it
from one side and the other. And you think, this cannot be. It's just
too impossible a thing to happen. He is all around us. His bedroom
downstairs with his clothes on the hangers, waiting till he comes
home. His wallet by his bed with his student card and train ticket and
library cards. The house is full of his presence but he isn't here.
Surely he's in hospital, just down the road? But he isn't and it seems
so unbelievable. And whether consciously or just looming out of sight,
the thing is always there, a weight, an ominous shadow, a dull ache,
sometimes drawing tears and at other times a glazed look or frown of
disbelief from deep inside.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
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Those of us there, who love and care about you (and there are obviously lots of us), cannot fully understand your grief, but we share in your pain, and if we could, we ease it... some how.
ReplyDeleteLove you all.
We are with you guys in our thoughts and prayers and know it is a life long journey really as you will always cherish memories of wonderful Ben. How precious that he was on this earth and so dear to you and yours. With our love, Suz, Em and MIke
ReplyDeleteI said to someone yesterday, "how I so want to be able to take away Ben's parents' pain, just for one day". And he replied, "I wouldn't want to do that - I'm terrified of *that* depth of pain."
ReplyDeleteAnd he was right - so am I.
In the absence of being able to do anything else, am thinking of and praying for you - and still being inspired by your Ben.
love, -m.